On Recovery. On Life. On Getting Better. On Running. Duh!

Well, it's been some time since I've sat here and done this and so please allow me to apologize to those of you who have missed reading my musings and inane thoughts in this space. I will try not to let it happen again and will thank you for your patience with this process for me.

So, let's get into it, shall we?

Where to start? Where to start?

Since this is a blog concerning my trials and tribulations and experiences with the act and art of running, I will start there. SO, after running my race on September 17 I found myself in a precarious position of physically being unable to run which was very difficult for me as you may well imagine. The process leading up to the actual race was such a rewarding one that it was hard not being able to continue the pattern and spend time outside pavement pounding. I was informed by a physical therapist that I "blew out" all of the muscles in both of my legs. Nothing was torn or broke, just severely overworked to the point of frying them so I was unable to support the pounding my legs would take during a long run. The really crappy news about it was that it wasn't an injury that I could actively rehab and that time was my only cure. So, time is what I gave it. I decided that I would get back out on January 1, at 9am. I did 3 miles in just over 30 minutes and didn't feel too poorly afterwards. I have since done that same loop 4 or 5 more times with eerily similar results every time. Am I completely back? Not just yet but I can see that on the horizon.

I have also started mixing in some cross training with spin classes at the gym and have tried to start lifting a few more weights to try for some complete body fitness. My last point on the running aspect of this whole kit-n-kaboodle is that I have signed up for a half marathon to be run mid April in Dallas. The Big D half. I am honored that I will be joined by two of my closest friends and expectant fathers, Travis Brown and Patrick Iglinsky, and happily invite anyone else who feels the urge to join us for a light 2 hour romp through the city of Dallas. It's gonna be a blast!

Recovery. Recovery. Recovery.

These words are all the same, I know, but they all mean different things to different people. I deal with recovery a lot in my life and not just from a physical standpoint. I actually deal with recovery on a daily basis, as so many people worldwide do, and without it I would not be where I am today. Recovery has saved my life.

If you're a tad confused at this point, that's fine. It was partially intended. I am about to explain anyway so hang in there.

Over the past few weeks I have had the mortality and seriousness of my recovery from alcohol abuse thrust in my face by having to watch a few of my favorite all time celebrities suffer setbacks in their personal walks through recovery. I have noticed in that time frame how little many people know about the everyday struggle that it is to remain clean and sober if you are an addict. I have listened to people scoff at hearing that Josh Hamilton had a setback in his recovery whereas I hear about it and it breaks my heart. it doesn't break my heart because I look up to him, it breaks my heart because I know what it's like to have that demon ride around in my car with me daily. It breaks my heart because I know how much stock and how seriously he takes his recovery and how much it hurt him to relapse like he did. This disease isn't one that's fun to have because the thing that makes you the sickest is also the thing that makes you feel so damn good.

Really think about that for a second....

Did you do so? Think about the things in your life that make you happy. Now imagine if you were allergic to these things. Don't get me wrong, illegal drugs and things of the like are no match for the happiness that your newborn's laugh gives you or that feeling you get after a nice long run, but they provide a level of happiness for the addict that is not found elsewhere.

These are the struggles of the addict. I see person A having a drink and their life isn't destroyed, I should be able to do that, right? Wrong. This is where the process of recovery is so hard. Beginning to think that I can deal with things the way I used to or the way I watch some of my friends do it is insane. Josh took a step backwards and it cost him a public black eye and nothing more, thankfully.

Josh admits it himself that he doesn't know in his brain where his switch is that makes him switch from beer and liquor to harder substances, and apparently neither did Whitney Houston. Her well documented struggles with drugs and alcohol apparently cost her her life over the weekend and and it's just sad. It's sad that she probably had friends, same as you and I, that don't/didn't understand how dangerous her problem was when they offered her a celebratory cocktail or a painkiller to help her sleep or whatever may have happened.

I am going to get off my soapbox now, but let me leave you with this; if you ever want to know exactly how an admitted alcoholic or addict in recovery deals with things or how they want to deal with things, just ask them what it's like. We all like to talk. It's not like AA or NA meetings are silent rooms. We all love telling our stories just so that other people that don't know what it's like can have a little insight.

I have been asked a few times in the last few weeks whether or not I would have served Josh drinks at the bar. I personally, wouldn't have because I know what he's going through. I don't fault those that did, though, because how can they know what his demons are if they don't face them daily.

Other than that, life is going wonderfully. I wish we were having a better winter, I love the cold weather. I no longer wear an ankle monitor for alcohol consumption but am still in court regarding my legal issues and will update you all when I have the time. I have met a wonderful muse who allows me to be me and more importantly supports my every decision with full conviction.

I will leave you all with this, if you or anyone you know ever needs to talk to someone with a supportive and open mind, please don't hesitate to call on me. Life is scary sometimes, but it's less scary the more people you have on your side, I can assure you that. I appreciate all of you for being on mine and would gladly join some of yours if you would have me.

A few songs to get us through the day:

And in remembrance:

Have a wonderful day everyone, and tell someone how they make you feel today, you could change their life.

Well...

What an experience! That was potentially the best four hours and 46 minutes I have ever spent doing anything. I attempted to take it all in but at times the emotions of what I was doing just overwhelmed me, almost to tears at some point.

I am gonna try to go through that experience here while I have some time waiting for my flight in the airport here in Dayton. I was originally going to write as soon as I got back to the hotel yesterday, but that just wasn't gonna happen.

So here goes. Dad and I got up here on Thursday night and it just so happens that after training in the hottest summer on record in central Texas, that I had flown into what was a degree off for setting a record low here in Ohio. It was somewhere in the low 40s Thursday night, I want to say 43-44. We did the runners expo which was held at Wright State University and then went and walked around the University of Dayton campus. Side note, if you are ever up here, do yourself a favor and check that place out. It's gorgeous.

Shunned the spaghetti dinner Friday night at the expo center and opted for Cincinnati's famous Skyline Chili. They serve it on top of spaghetti and it's more meat sauce than chili the way us Texans consider it, but I found it to be quite good and filling. Good? Yes. Great? No. But the service was great as it was everywhere else we went up here. Very friendly people the southwestern Ohioan.

Got to bed early as I was set to get up at 3:45 Saturday morning for the 7:25 B-1B fighter jet flyover and race start. After a pretty tumultuous  evening of sleep, I got up and started my pre-run routine which is as follows(in no particular order): Shower, Eat a banana and Clif bar as well as drink a liter of Zico coconut water, take 2 aspirin(took Bayer Advanced this time, most of the time it's Aleve), Vaseline up(you other runners get it), tape my Achilles tendon on my left leg with KT Tape, work the knots out with "The Stick" in my thighs and calves, put my watch on, grab my HR monitor and knee straps, sunglasses, hat and my favorite running tool, the Sweat Gutr. For yesterday I also added a windbreaker and sweatpants since we were getting there well before sunup.

We set off around 5 to make the 30 minute drive in to the base and there were virtually no cars out and about which is strange considering an estimated 13,000 runners were participating in total between the 10K, Half, and Full Marathons. There was about a mile and a half walk from parking to start gate and that may be the only detracting thing I would say about this race.

I was finally a little nervous. Not because of the distance or anything like that, but I had just put five months into training for an event that I was only sure in my mind that I could complete. I hadn't at any time during training come close to 26.2 miles. Hell, I had only gone as long as 18 once so I was a little nervous about breaking down before we even started. 

So, with a little nervous energy coursing it's way through me and an hour and a half to burn before the run and the temperatures in the mid 50s, I did something I rarely do before running, stretch. You see, when you train for something when it's 85 degrees before the sun comes up, your muscles generally are pretty warm to start. When it's 50, not so much.

I did some light groin stretches, hamstrings, calves, hip and back stretches. Gotta be getting close, right?

Nope! Still had about 30 minutes to kill so what to do. Ah, yes, the bathroom, just in case. Went to the bathroom and then stripped out of my sweatpants and Rangers windbreaker, strapped on my HR monitor and knee straps and then checked my bag into the race tent.

Now I needed to find my race group. Meaning the people who expected to run around the same pace or have an expected finish time around when I was hoping to finish. With my training, we had learned to not set time goals for this race, that finishing was the only objective and I was fine with that, but my competitive spirit wanted me to finish in less than 5 hours so I chose to run with the 4:45 expected finishers. 

I figured that was modest and attainable and would be another nice challenge.

There were pre race festivities, the national anthem, notation of honored guests and runners including the Governor of Ohio's wife who Dad said finished about 20 minutes before me.

The wheelchair guys got to start, then there was a large boom which noted we got to start. About that time a jet came out of the rising sun and flew right over the start line. It was vey, very cool to say the least.

We started herding towards the start gate, I prepared my iPod and got it running and I'll be a monkey's uncle if Kid Cudi's Pursuit of Happiness wasn't the first song that came on. I found it quite fitting considering that's what I was trying to accomplish tangibly with this race. Ever since I got in trouble the last time and have changed my mindset on so many things in my life, i have been on the pursuit of happiness myself so I found it fitting. First of many near emotional breakdowns on the day.

I had gotten my watch prepared to start as I crossed the start line so I would be able to better monitor my pace...too bad I hit the wrong button crossing the line and didn't start pacing myself until about two tenths of a mile in, which actually works alright when you think about it since the race is 26.2 miles. 

Right about the time I noticed that, I almost had a big big problem and tripped over some uneven ground and came close to eating it big time about a quarter of a mile in. But i caught my balance and didn't actually tackle anyone while stumbling forward towards the concrete and so we were good.

Most of the elevation change in this race, or so I was led to believe, was in the first 2 miles and coming from training in Austin, I didn't find it to be too terribly challenging. It was a gradual climb from about half a mile in to the two mile marker and then leveled off and started coming down a little.

Now, in many of my training runs, I was generally good for about the first 3-5 miles and then desperately needed to stop to walk, catch my breath, stretch, or something else but that wasn't the case yesterday. Around the end of mile one and heading into mile two, I started moving a little faster. It wasn't a breakneck pace by any stretch, but faster than my 10:55/mile pace time for the group looking for a 4:45 finish.

I found myself running with the pace group set to finish in 4:20, or 9:55/mile. I kept moving with them until around mile five and then started pulling away from them too. I had stopped at the water stations and walked through them, making sure to take water and Gatorade whenever they had it but it was around the fourth aid station around mile four that I got a few slices of orange and started to pull away from pace team 4:20. 

I was feeling great! Not moving too fast as I had been warned about. Not out of breath or struggling in any aspect. I was feeling really confident. Took my first pull of GU gel right as I finished my first hour, about six and a half miles in and wouldn't you know it, they were handing it out on the next station too.

I picked up 4 more and proceeded forward towards the seven mile marker and I was flying. Clocking in at about 9:30 a mile and feeling great but needing to pee. Saw a guy duck behind a building and followed him over. There was a porta-potty there and I popped in and had at it. I really thought that was gonna slow me down but it didn't, hopped back on the course and picked my pace right back up. 

Kept moving right along and was done with mile 8 around 1:10 which was 15 minutes faster than I had ever done 8 miles. We came off base and into a small town called Fairborn which runs right along the side of the base and it's downtown is very worn down but still functional and the people there were great. 

I high fived about 15 pee-wee cheerleaders standing in front of the closed down movie theater and moved down around the corner. We came into the town square and there were people everywhere cheering and encouraging us. There were three old guys playing Air Force songs with a polka style and there was a radio station or something trying to call out the names of the runners as they passed. 

As I ran past, he said, "...And here comes Jeffrey Farr followed by Janine something or other" and I hear her say, "Hey, That's me!" I told her that he called me right before her and we had a nice little half a mile chat for the next few blocks. I normally hate talking when I run, but I welcomed it this time.

She was in from Indiana, did undergrad at Ball State and graduate work at Miami(OH) and had been to Texas one time to visit her sister when she was at North Texas. We turned down a street and she patted me on my back and told me to enjoy my run and I never saw her again.

I finished the block and back out onto the main street still chugging along at about 9:30 a mile. Passed 10 miles right at an hour and a half and was feeling great. Started to believe that I could keep this up for the entire race. It was so pleasant outside, maybe 60-65 with the cloud cover burning off and i could see that we were about to continue to descend a little more back onto the base and on top of that, the halfway mark was in sight. I pounded some more GU and kept plugging along. At this point I could see the need to walk a bit was on the horizon but wanted to make it to the halfway mark strong, and that's exactly what happened.

I started nearing the marker for halfway and about that time the 4:20 pace group caught up with me just as we passed it, but I had passed the 13.1 mark in right at two hours, a good 30 minutes faster than I had done it in any area of training and it felt damn good. I decided at that point to take a little break and asses where I was physically. I also needed to check my ankle monitor and make sure it hadn't dug a hole into my leg and made me bleed yet. 

Was good across the board so i decided to walk a mile. Made it about four tenths before the next aid station, grabbed some water, gatorade and oranges and decided that I came to run and not walk so I started trotting again, aimed my orange peel at a container with a behind the back toss, missed and while I was admiring my poor performance on that shot, I ran up the back of this guy. I grabbed him to make sure he didn't fall. I apologized but he did not look happy by any stretch of the imagination. 

Oh, well, was time to run again. Made it to mile marker 16 before needing to stop and walk again. Took some more GU and walked the entire length of the runway we were on. When we came off the runway, I started up again, made it about half a mile, walked half a mile and then plugged along for about 2 more. As I passed mile 18, I realized I was still 30 minutes ahead of pace so I hadn't lost any time on my training pace in the last hour. 

18 miles in three hours and I had never gotten there faster than three and a half. 

It started getting a little harder to fire back up after walking but i kept moving pretty well through mile 20 when I realized that I only had a 10K left and if I could do that in the same pace as my way out, I would clock in between 4:20 and 4:30. Right about that time, the 4:30 pace team passed me by. At least my brain was still working, right?

I passed mile 21 and saw it. This giant hill of highway coming out of the base and up towards Wright State. I remember coming down this thing around mile five or six feeling great. Going up it after 21 looked like death. I could see the apex of this hill and determined that I would walk up this hill until the sign posted at it's apex and then I would get my momentum back coming down it. Right about the time I got moving down this hill, the Lupe Fiasco song The Show Goes On started playing and a wave of euphoria swept over me.

I started moving a lot like the initial pace that I had started on and that carried me through mile 23. More oranges, more water and gatorade. Off the 4:30 pace but hadn't seen the 4:45 crew pass me yet and that was my initial hope, remember? 

So, I turned the corner to go up this small rolling set of hills, three miles to go. We had come down this road on the way out and were doing it on the way in. Pass the 24 marker, try to get moving again. Was virtually impossible. Was starting to struggle a ton. Ran about 100 yards, then had to start walking again. It was starting to get painful but I was so close. Time to dig in. Time to find the competitive spirit inside.

It had been a long time since I have had to channel energy in that manner but just as I needed it, the 4:45 pace team passed me. We were 24 miles into a race and I had been outrunning people this whole time and I'd be damned if they were gonna take that from me. We were exactly a mile and a half away. Remember, my watch was two tenths behind so my round numbers were the numbers plus two tenths. I had these guys.

Luckily there was a hill to go down so that helped. I could barely swing my legs forward because my groin/hip flexor area hurt so badly on both legs. We came through the entrance to the base and there were people out there pulling for us, telling us we only had a bit to go and I could see the finish line. I knew Dad was there. I knew I was about to get to see him and I couldn't wait. I actually had a thing of GU left so I pounded it as we entered the base.

So we run in, I'm behind a blind runner and his guide that I had been following and I saw them slow down so I blew past them. By the way, blowing past someone in the last mile of a marathon is like watching 8 year olds play basketball, it's a very slow motion action.

I look at my watch and we hadn't even entered the final stretch but my watch read 26.00 which meant we were at 26.2 according to the markers and whatnot along the way, but my watch went 26 at the same time I passed the marker for it. 

Came into the fenced in homestretch lined with about 8-10 antique Air Force planes and could see the finish line. Kept looking for Dad and finally saw him. I think I shocked him because he wasn't ready for me to be there yet. About 100 more yards a guy on the side yelled out, "Come on Jeffrey, DIG!!!" and that added with seeing Dad there was all i needed to finish as hard as I could. Passed about 3 or 4 more people in the last tenth and then as I crossed the line I heard the DJ say, "Jeffrey Farr, all the way from Austin, TX finishes in under five hours! Good job." 

I followed the line a bit, sweat dripping from my hat and got my medal placed on me and then got my silver blanket and moved on to grab some Gatorade and a banana or two. They were giving pizza away but waiting in line was not in the cards for me. I went and picked up my stuff, found Dad and that was that, except for the aforementioned mile and a half walk back to the car.

Long and short, I finished my 26.4 mile marathon in four hours and 46 minutes and can't wait for my next one, even though I can hardly feel my legs right now and it has been a little tough moving over the last 24 hours.

The experience was moving, almost flooring me at points as I thought about Randy and what he would have said or how much I wished everyone could be there beside me. Some of you may know this about me, but being alone can be scary at times so running by yourself for that long can really let you free your mind. I thought about my dear friends Aaron and Courtney and how they got engaged on Friday night. I Thought about Robby King and his wife Reiko who are expecting their first kiddo and how much he cares for me and how much he cared for Randy. I thought about Reid and Kendall and Mom and Dad and so much more. I could feel all of you out there running with me, encouraging me.

Shoot, even thinking about it now makes me emotional. It was an experience that I got to have with God. There was something very spiritual in running this race for me and something I will look back on if I ever feel like I can't complete the task at hand.

I am gonna keep writing as I continue to progress and I am so flattered that many of you have taken time to read what I have written.

I will leave you all with this. One of the guys I was running with had it on his back. 

From 2 Timothy, 4:7- Fight the Good Fight, Finish the Race, Keep the Faith. 

I have done those things and couldn't be happier.

Two Days

Alright ladies and gentlemen, the time is near. In roughly 48 hours, I will be done with my first marathon. 

I am currently sitting on the floor of Austin Bergstrom International Airport waiting to board my quick flight to DFW before heading to Dayton.

This thing is gonna be packed. 

The weather for the weekend in Ohio? Highs in the 60s with loads of humidity. I am jealous of myself right now to be honest. 

I am planning on detailing a lot of this trip as I have time to reflect on this journey while on my trip and so I hope you all decide to check back in periodically. 

I can't start to thank everyone for their unwavering support and love throughout this process and wish every single one of you could be here with me. 

Time to get on a plane now. Be back soon. 

My First 18er

Wow! What a feeling! I, Jeff Farr, just completed my first 18 mile run, and since I overlapped my runs last week and did 16 on Monday, that takes my weekly total 47 miles. The thought of that flat out blows my mind.

Even more mind boggling is the fact that I struggled through my 16 last Monday to the tune of 3 hours and 30 minutes and seemingly breezed through my 18 today in the same 3 hours and 30 minutes.

The first few were hard, then about mile 3-4 I started zoning in on my breathing and started knocking off consecutive sub 10 minute miles around miles 7 and 8.

I feel pretty good right now, finishing my tropical breakfast of pineapple and coconut water and have a great day planned.

More to come soon.

Catching up

It has been a while and not because I haven't had anything to write about or that I got writer's block, I have just not gotten around to it and for those of you loyal enough to like reading my ramblings, I apologize. I will get better at this. Need to actually because i have had a ton of ideas in the moment that have left me like a fleeting cloud in the summer Texas sky.

Anyone out there remember Blackie Sherrod? Growing up I would read Blackie in the Dallas Morning News Sports Day on Sunday mornings. He would write briefly on a number of topics and call it scattershooting. The nature of these articles definitely appealed to my young mind. Bullet points. Quick hits.

So that will be the inspiration for this entry. I have a lot of points to get to and scattershooting seems to be the way to go about it.

So here we go:

Let's start here, the running is going well. Have done 2 16 milers with another one this week. Next week and the week after I get to do 18 and then I will have to worry about not getting hurt before my race. Speaking of which, that is right around the corner, 5 weeks away. My knees hurt sometimes and I get stiff if I stay still too long, but, and I do mean to be as cliched as possible here, the pain sometimes helps me feel like I am alive and surely lets me know that I am doing the right things for myself.

I ran 5 miles today, 8 the other day, and 5 the day before that. Feels good to be able to say that. Four months ago, I couldn't run a mile consecutively, and now 5 seems like a leisurely walk through the woods. Feels Damn Good!

Now onto running, the concept. Many people have asked me this question over the last few months and I sometimes ask myself the same question: "Why?" I don't know if they want to know why choose to run so far or why run at all but both have validity. The length doesn't seem to be hard to explain. It's a goal, a challenge to prove to myself that I can accomplish anything. Easy enough, right? The other question stems more from my subconscious. Why run at all?

So why am I running? Yes, there are health benefits that abound and it has given me a marvelous way to pass the time and better myself and has made me feel great about myself and perhaps that is the answer to that question. But sometimes when I am out there on the trail, looking at the lake(river), that other thoughts permeate me and want to give me a different answer. I understand that I run alone and spend a lot of time with my own thoughts which can sometimes be a dangerous idea, but sometimes I feel as if I am running from something and I'm not sure what I would have to run from. So, quite possibly I am running for something. Now, there's an idea. So now we need an object to run for and I can come up with a few.

1) Me. I am running for me. From fear. From the fear of failure. From the pain of letting myself down by not finishing something that I have set out to do.

2) You. That's right. I am running for all of you too. The overwhelming response I have gotten from all of you, not only about the running, but the writing has given me a ton of inspiration to plow through.

3) Randy. I run for him because I can feel him with me when I'm out there. Thoughts of him make the miles seem to fly by. It makes me so excited to know I'm not out there alone. He's not as fast as me, btw.

It's like the end of Harry Potter out there sometimes. I'm out there running with my ghosts, my memories. It's a nice way to bring up old emotions and work through them, rejuvenates my soul while the running helps my legs. It's win-win.

Seeing clearly. Let me say something about LASIK surgery really quickly. I'm not sure about the greatest medical breakthroughs of all-time, but the LASIK surgery that I had almost two weeks ago has absolutely changed the way I see things, literally. Everything is amazing. Running without the burden of glasses or contacts is amazing. There literally aren't enough adjectives that display the level of hyperbole that is not having to do anything to be able to see better on a daily basis. If you have any questions regarding the procedure, I will answer. I highly recommend it if you've ever considered it.

Gonna finish with some definite scattershooting.
I recently rewatched all three seasons of Arrested Development. Forgot how great that show is.
Started watching Mad Men on Netflix yesterday, just finished season 1, it's pretty awesome too.
Breaking Bad is better.
Wilfred also makes me laugh a lot.
The Harry Potter movie was breathtaking.
The new Jay-Z/Kanye West collaboration is pretty amazing.
The Rangers need to start winning more and get a better gap opened up.
Cowboys preseason starts tonight.
Texas will win either 8 or 9 games this year, don't know how many just yet but they are gonna be better than a lot of people expect.
I cleaned 10,000+ unread emails out of my inbox today. That took some effort. Now I need to work on sorting through the pictures.

Thanks again everyone for taking time out to read my irreverence, I really appreciate all of the kind words and thoughts and prayers. I promise it won't take another month for me to get back here.

The Difference A Year Makes

365 days. 8760 hours. As the terrific musical Rent informed us, 525,600 minutes. Long story short, 1 year.

I have had some exciting years. Ones that come to mind: first and last year of high school, the last 12 months of college, the year I learned to drive.

I've had some interesting years. The ones with all of the awkward growth spurts come to mind.

I've had a crappy year or two as well. 2006 is all I have to say about that. More to come in August on that one.

This past year, from July 4-6, 2010 to this past few days have been a strange, fun, frustrating, and, most importantly, enlightening combo of all of those years.

I have told this story to countless strangers and friends alike down here in Austin so many times over the last year that it just comes naturally at this point, but I know that there are many of you out there who I don't get the opportunity to talk to that often that have no clue about what my last year has entailed. You all know I am running, but many of you don't know why. Well, I am about to tell you.

A year ago this past Monday, July 4th, started like any other Independence Day. I remember it pretty vividly actually. Had Wendy's for lunch, watched Cloverfield, talked to a girl I was really into at the time for most of the afternoon. Decided to have a few drinks that evening. It wasn't far from the norm for me to know what a nice cold draft Dos XX tasted like, or a nice shot of smooth tequila. For some reason, I like Mexican drinks and cuisine on the Fourth of July, even made tacos this year.

But I digress. My few drinks with the sun up turned into more as the sun went down. Making new friends, drinking what they were having, not thinking of any consequences. It was the definition of living in the moment. A few months prior to this, I had been convicted of my second DWI and had served my sentence of day laboring at the Del Valle correctional facility and was moving on to a life without a breathalyzer in my car and was just a few months shy of having my drivers license fully reinstated.

Life was good, great even. Had just gotten back from spending a glorious week in New York with my family. Had gone to some of the places that Randy and I had gone on our trio we took before he passed and I drank with the ghost of my gone but not forgotten brother. There was a woman in my life that I was really into and that was into me just the same. There was a matter of distance that made it difficult, but we were managing alright if you ask me. She may say differently, but at this time, things were going swimmingly.

That all changed about 3 in the morning July 5. She had decided to come see me. It was a big step. I was excited. She was about 10 minutes from my house. I had just exited the highway. There were no other cars around. I was on the phone giving directions. I make the second to last turn before arriving home and see the all to familiar and gut wrenching blue and red lights flashing behind me.

I was toast. I tried to talk to the officer about just letting me go. Explaining to him that a woman I really liked had finally decided to take the leap and see me and that he would be a saint if he just let me go. I bargained with him, told him to tow the car and let me walk the 400 yards left to my doorstep. He wasn't having it. My options were essentially jail or jail.

So that's where I ended up. Back in jail. Stuck living with thoughts of what she must be thinking. What my mom and dad would say. How much I had ruined whatever good things I had going simply to have a perceived good time. As much as I can recall about that day, I don't recall laughing particularly harder or having any more fun than normal, so, in hindsight, what was the point of the risk?

I spent all of the Fifth if July in jail. Stuck in a room that was about 10 feet deep by about 7 feet wide with a little window about a foot wide and tall to look out of. My view? A concrete waiting room. A little tv about 30 feet away to my left and the guard desk with a clock perched above it to my right.

The thing is, when national holidays fall on the weekend, people are granted that day off generally either the day before the weekend or the day after. In the legal business, apparently it was the day after. I sat in that room on the concrete floor, or metal bed in-between bouts of sleep and restlessness. Crying and beating myself up one minute. Begging God for forgiveness the next. Wondering if I would ever be able to be trusted again. Worrying if I had ruined something with potential based on a maneuver based solely in selfishness.

The Sixth rolled around and started early. I had slept most of the Fifth away but was getting restless. The guard came and got me around 8am I believe and said I had a meeting with my legal counsel. I am going to refrain from using names, but this was obviously the highlight of my day. My lawyer's wonderfully gifted legal assistant was sitting across from me and provided me with my options essentially. She told me that I had been requested to wear an alcohol ankle monitor(yes, like the one Lindsey Lohan has made so famous) but they could get him to drop that and get me the breathalyzer put in my car if I wanted to go that route again. I remember looking at her through that glass, longing to be on my way home and shower and have some normalcy back and saying exactly, "I think I have fucked my life up enough with alcohol, so it's time I learned to live without it so I will take the monitor because the other option provides me with too many outs and excuses."

Back to the cell for me and then it was a waiting game for ankle monitor to get to me because they weren't going to let me out without it. That part of the story is long and boring, but it ends with me getting out of jail with a new addition about 9pm, July 6, 2010.

The next few hours, days, weeks are somewhat of a blur. Lots of questions. Lots of funny looks from strangers. Sympathy. Some light(and fully deserved)scolding from friends and family alike.

I could go through the next few days, weeks, months, etc and tell many details about how I came to be content with my life without alcohol. I could tell you all about the classes I had to take, the AA meetings I have attended, the therapy group that really helped me change my outlook. I could tell you lots of things but I won't bore you with some of those details.

This story is not a sad story. Not to me, at least. The woman and I tried for a few more weeks to make things work, but it wasn't in the cards for us. We still talk from time to time. She is a great friend and someone who I wouldn't have been able to make it through this time without. She is dating, from all accounts, a great guy and couldn't be happier so I couldn't be happier for her.

I have been able to find who some of my true friends are through this process and have made a bunch of great new ones along the way.

To answer some of the more general questions that arise. No, I don't miss drinking. No, I don't miss the hangovers(although at first I missed having that as an excuse). Yes, I have extra money in my pocket because I don't go out anymore. And no, I doubt I will ever have another drink again in my life.

Do I still go to meetings? Occasionally. But I am not maintaining my sobriety through the 12 steps right now. I am maintaining it from a cognizant standpoint of the one variable that has caused me issue in my lifetime has been alcohol, so why would I be dumb enough to allow it to be the one thing that I allow to keep bringing me down.

I have started going back to church and have started growing a new relationship with God and it's magnificent.

I have also started running, which is what you all have probably come here for. Last July 6, I couldn't have run 1 mile on a dare for $100. Today, I ran 4.5 and was just actually catching my stride as my loop came to a close. I have also run distances of 10, 11, and 12 miles successively the past three Mondays and have a 14 miler coming up this week and couldn't be more excited.

I am happier and more in control of my life than I ever have been and it's a phenomenal feeling.

Yes I still have the monitor. It takes a sample of my sweat and body temperature every half hour, all day, every day. I get it checked 3 days a week and it costs me $12 a day to wear it but I wouldn't rather spend that $12 any other way(except for LASIK). The only thing the monitor keeps me from doing is swimming, which kind of stinks, but it will make it that much sweeter when I can do so again.

I will leave you with this. Experience is what we get when we make mistakes. I'm not sitting here trying to preach to any of you reading this, but I am saying that I would love for everyone of you to take this story to heart and please learn from my mistakes. You don't want to be caught in a situation like me that is easily avoidable.

If you or someone you know thinks that there may be a problem brewing with alcohol abuse. Let someone know. Hit me up. Go to a meeting. Do something. You're absolutely not alone. There are people able and willing to help, but you have to ask. It's imperative. I wish I had asked, but I'm glad I am able to be here, talking and typing and sharing my experience in the hopes that someone can learn from me.

All I have left to say is, what a difference a year makes. What can you do with your next 365 days?

So, it's been a month

I am now officially a month into my training and let me tell you, this stuff doesn't get any easier. I am learning more about myself on a daily basis and every time I plug miles out underneath my feet. I desperately need to drink more water and get a little more sleep but, all in all, I am still doing fine.

Since my last report, a lot has changed. I have a new apartment. Settled in quite nicely. There is a lot to do over where I am and there is a nice little track of miles I can run that doesn't even put me in risk of being run down by a motorist which is great too. My Dallas Mavericks also did what some might have deemed the impossible and bested the infallible Miami Heat for their first ever NBA Championship. It was a lot of fun to watch and I couldn't be happier for those guys, Mark Cuban and all of my friends who have been fans and supported this thing for so many heartbreaks and let downs. It was a lot of fun to enjoy. I'm still a bit in shock.

Anyway, the running. The running is going alright. I get a little frustrated from time to time about not being able to jog the entire way. I try my best to run most of the time, but sometimes i have to walk. I pull over and stretch a bit, grab a pull of water and get right back to it if I can. My manual is still calling for 4 days of running weekly with the first three being the same distances each of the past 3 weeks.

On Tuesdays I run 3 miles, Thursdays I do 5, and either Friday or Saturday I do 3 again. Where the variation has been recently is on my "long run" days. Over the past 3 weeks, my long runs on Sunday mornings have increased from 7 to 8 to 10 this week. This will also be the first time that I will eclipse 20 miles in a week so I'm pretty scared and pumped about that too.

Every Sunday I do something. Have never done before and it's pretty effing cool. My guide tells me not to worry about timing myself and just get the miles in and that's what I'm doing. I am, however, still am cognizant of how long it takes me and my 8 miler last week took me about an hour and a half. I can say I probably ran all but 2 of those miles and that makes me happy.

It brings me to my latest chapter of my book. It is about hydration which I needed to learn about. The days my runs have seemed to go better are days when I have consumed more liquids the day before and day of. I also need to desperately work on my stretching too. My 32 year old legs just aren't what they used to be, but they are getting used to the beating.

I am looking forward to working on the visualization techniques talked about in my training manual this week and finding a focal point and hydration level that will help help me push through the long stretches. I am a marathoner! I look forward to my runs every day. I have stopped running inside and have started pounding trails and pavement. I am also working on running first thing in the morning before it gets too sweltering. I have also learned how to carry a small water bottle when I run as to not get too out of sorts.

This process is fascinating to me, though. The way the brain can power your legs over obstacles that you would have never deemed possible. The way you can accomplish more just by getting off the couch and trying to do something. The way you feel after accomplishing something you set out to do. It is just great. I am so happy I'm doing this. I am also happy so many of you have chosen to read along and take this journey with me. I really feel like I'm just babbling from time to time, but I'm glad you guys enjoy reading it. I will do a better job of keeping you guys current.

Here are my new running buddies. Have had them about a week and put about 12 miles on them so far. There isn't too much give, but that's the point. They focus on a more mid foot strike point and I enjoy the way I have felt while running in them. I also love running in my Nike Free Runs. They are fantastic.

Also, since tomorrow is the parade, I would be remiss if I didn't put this up.

Alright kids. Have a great night all of you, I'll see you on the trails in the morning. Then Mavs parade and day game at Yankee Stadium. Gonna be a scorcher.