So, let's get into it, shall we?
Where to start? Where to start?
Since this is a blog concerning my trials and tribulations and experiences with the act and art of running, I will start there. SO, after running my race on September 17 I found myself in a precarious position of physically being unable to run which was very difficult for me as you may well imagine. The process leading up to the actual race was such a rewarding one that it was hard not being able to continue the pattern and spend time outside pavement pounding. I was informed by a physical therapist that I "blew out" all of the muscles in both of my legs. Nothing was torn or broke, just severely overworked to the point of frying them so I was unable to support the pounding my legs would take during a long run. The really crappy news about it was that it wasn't an injury that I could actively rehab and that time was my only cure. So, time is what I gave it. I decided that I would get back out on January 1, at 9am. I did 3 miles in just over 30 minutes and didn't feel too poorly afterwards. I have since done that same loop 4 or 5 more times with eerily similar results every time. Am I completely back? Not just yet but I can see that on the horizon.
I have also started mixing in some cross training with spin classes at the gym and have tried to start lifting a few more weights to try for some complete body fitness. My last point on the running aspect of this whole kit-n-kaboodle is that I have signed up for a half marathon to be run mid April in Dallas. The Big D half. I am honored that I will be joined by two of my closest friends and expectant fathers, Travis Brown and Patrick Iglinsky, and happily invite anyone else who feels the urge to join us for a light 2 hour romp through the city of Dallas. It's gonna be a blast!
Recovery. Recovery. Recovery.
These words are all the same, I know, but they all mean different things to different people. I deal with recovery a lot in my life and not just from a physical standpoint. I actually deal with recovery on a daily basis, as so many people worldwide do, and without it I would not be where I am today. Recovery has saved my life.
If you're a tad confused at this point, that's fine. It was partially intended. I am about to explain anyway so hang in there.
Over the past few weeks I have had the mortality and seriousness of my recovery from alcohol abuse thrust in my face by having to watch a few of my favorite all time celebrities suffer setbacks in their personal walks through recovery. I have noticed in that time frame how little many people know about the everyday struggle that it is to remain clean and sober if you are an addict. I have listened to people scoff at hearing that Josh Hamilton had a setback in his recovery whereas I hear about it and it breaks my heart. it doesn't break my heart because I look up to him, it breaks my heart because I know what it's like to have that demon ride around in my car with me daily. It breaks my heart because I know how much stock and how seriously he takes his recovery and how much it hurt him to relapse like he did. This disease isn't one that's fun to have because the thing that makes you the sickest is also the thing that makes you feel so damn good.
Really think about that for a second....
Did you do so? Think about the things in your life that make you happy. Now imagine if you were allergic to these things. Don't get me wrong, illegal drugs and things of the like are no match for the happiness that your newborn's laugh gives you or that feeling you get after a nice long run, but they provide a level of happiness for the addict that is not found elsewhere.
These are the struggles of the addict. I see person A having a drink and their life isn't destroyed, I should be able to do that, right? Wrong. This is where the process of recovery is so hard. Beginning to think that I can deal with things the way I used to or the way I watch some of my friends do it is insane. Josh took a step backwards and it cost him a public black eye and nothing more, thankfully.
Josh admits it himself that he doesn't know in his brain where his switch is that makes him switch from beer and liquor to harder substances, and apparently neither did Whitney Houston. Her well documented struggles with drugs and alcohol apparently cost her her life over the weekend and and it's just sad. It's sad that she probably had friends, same as you and I, that don't/didn't understand how dangerous her problem was when they offered her a celebratory cocktail or a painkiller to help her sleep or whatever may have happened.
I am going to get off my soapbox now, but let me leave you with this; if you ever want to know exactly how an admitted alcoholic or addict in recovery deals with things or how they want to deal with things, just ask them what it's like. We all like to talk. It's not like AA or NA meetings are silent rooms. We all love telling our stories just so that other people that don't know what it's like can have a little insight.
I have been asked a few times in the last few weeks whether or not I would have served Josh drinks at the bar. I personally, wouldn't have because I know what he's going through. I don't fault those that did, though, because how can they know what his demons are if they don't face them daily.
Other than that, life is going wonderfully. I wish we were having a better winter, I love the cold weather. I no longer wear an ankle monitor for alcohol consumption but am still in court regarding my legal issues and will update you all when I have the time. I have met a wonderful muse who allows me to be me and more importantly supports my every decision with full conviction.
I will leave you all with this, if you or anyone you know ever needs to talk to someone with a supportive and open mind, please don't hesitate to call on me. Life is scary sometimes, but it's less scary the more people you have on your side, I can assure you that. I appreciate all of you for being on mine and would gladly join some of yours if you would have me.
A few songs to get us through the day:
And in remembrance:
Have a wonderful day everyone, and tell someone how they make you feel today, you could change their life.
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