The Difference A Year Makes

365 days. 8760 hours. As the terrific musical Rent informed us, 525,600 minutes. Long story short, 1 year.

I have had some exciting years. Ones that come to mind: first and last year of high school, the last 12 months of college, the year I learned to drive.

I've had some interesting years. The ones with all of the awkward growth spurts come to mind.

I've had a crappy year or two as well. 2006 is all I have to say about that. More to come in August on that one.

This past year, from July 4-6, 2010 to this past few days have been a strange, fun, frustrating, and, most importantly, enlightening combo of all of those years.

I have told this story to countless strangers and friends alike down here in Austin so many times over the last year that it just comes naturally at this point, but I know that there are many of you out there who I don't get the opportunity to talk to that often that have no clue about what my last year has entailed. You all know I am running, but many of you don't know why. Well, I am about to tell you.

A year ago this past Monday, July 4th, started like any other Independence Day. I remember it pretty vividly actually. Had Wendy's for lunch, watched Cloverfield, talked to a girl I was really into at the time for most of the afternoon. Decided to have a few drinks that evening. It wasn't far from the norm for me to know what a nice cold draft Dos XX tasted like, or a nice shot of smooth tequila. For some reason, I like Mexican drinks and cuisine on the Fourth of July, even made tacos this year.

But I digress. My few drinks with the sun up turned into more as the sun went down. Making new friends, drinking what they were having, not thinking of any consequences. It was the definition of living in the moment. A few months prior to this, I had been convicted of my second DWI and had served my sentence of day laboring at the Del Valle correctional facility and was moving on to a life without a breathalyzer in my car and was just a few months shy of having my drivers license fully reinstated.

Life was good, great even. Had just gotten back from spending a glorious week in New York with my family. Had gone to some of the places that Randy and I had gone on our trio we took before he passed and I drank with the ghost of my gone but not forgotten brother. There was a woman in my life that I was really into and that was into me just the same. There was a matter of distance that made it difficult, but we were managing alright if you ask me. She may say differently, but at this time, things were going swimmingly.

That all changed about 3 in the morning July 5. She had decided to come see me. It was a big step. I was excited. She was about 10 minutes from my house. I had just exited the highway. There were no other cars around. I was on the phone giving directions. I make the second to last turn before arriving home and see the all to familiar and gut wrenching blue and red lights flashing behind me.

I was toast. I tried to talk to the officer about just letting me go. Explaining to him that a woman I really liked had finally decided to take the leap and see me and that he would be a saint if he just let me go. I bargained with him, told him to tow the car and let me walk the 400 yards left to my doorstep. He wasn't having it. My options were essentially jail or jail.

So that's where I ended up. Back in jail. Stuck living with thoughts of what she must be thinking. What my mom and dad would say. How much I had ruined whatever good things I had going simply to have a perceived good time. As much as I can recall about that day, I don't recall laughing particularly harder or having any more fun than normal, so, in hindsight, what was the point of the risk?

I spent all of the Fifth if July in jail. Stuck in a room that was about 10 feet deep by about 7 feet wide with a little window about a foot wide and tall to look out of. My view? A concrete waiting room. A little tv about 30 feet away to my left and the guard desk with a clock perched above it to my right.

The thing is, when national holidays fall on the weekend, people are granted that day off generally either the day before the weekend or the day after. In the legal business, apparently it was the day after. I sat in that room on the concrete floor, or metal bed in-between bouts of sleep and restlessness. Crying and beating myself up one minute. Begging God for forgiveness the next. Wondering if I would ever be able to be trusted again. Worrying if I had ruined something with potential based on a maneuver based solely in selfishness.

The Sixth rolled around and started early. I had slept most of the Fifth away but was getting restless. The guard came and got me around 8am I believe and said I had a meeting with my legal counsel. I am going to refrain from using names, but this was obviously the highlight of my day. My lawyer's wonderfully gifted legal assistant was sitting across from me and provided me with my options essentially. She told me that I had been requested to wear an alcohol ankle monitor(yes, like the one Lindsey Lohan has made so famous) but they could get him to drop that and get me the breathalyzer put in my car if I wanted to go that route again. I remember looking at her through that glass, longing to be on my way home and shower and have some normalcy back and saying exactly, "I think I have fucked my life up enough with alcohol, so it's time I learned to live without it so I will take the monitor because the other option provides me with too many outs and excuses."

Back to the cell for me and then it was a waiting game for ankle monitor to get to me because they weren't going to let me out without it. That part of the story is long and boring, but it ends with me getting out of jail with a new addition about 9pm, July 6, 2010.

The next few hours, days, weeks are somewhat of a blur. Lots of questions. Lots of funny looks from strangers. Sympathy. Some light(and fully deserved)scolding from friends and family alike.

I could go through the next few days, weeks, months, etc and tell many details about how I came to be content with my life without alcohol. I could tell you all about the classes I had to take, the AA meetings I have attended, the therapy group that really helped me change my outlook. I could tell you lots of things but I won't bore you with some of those details.

This story is not a sad story. Not to me, at least. The woman and I tried for a few more weeks to make things work, but it wasn't in the cards for us. We still talk from time to time. She is a great friend and someone who I wouldn't have been able to make it through this time without. She is dating, from all accounts, a great guy and couldn't be happier so I couldn't be happier for her.

I have been able to find who some of my true friends are through this process and have made a bunch of great new ones along the way.

To answer some of the more general questions that arise. No, I don't miss drinking. No, I don't miss the hangovers(although at first I missed having that as an excuse). Yes, I have extra money in my pocket because I don't go out anymore. And no, I doubt I will ever have another drink again in my life.

Do I still go to meetings? Occasionally. But I am not maintaining my sobriety through the 12 steps right now. I am maintaining it from a cognizant standpoint of the one variable that has caused me issue in my lifetime has been alcohol, so why would I be dumb enough to allow it to be the one thing that I allow to keep bringing me down.

I have started going back to church and have started growing a new relationship with God and it's magnificent.

I have also started running, which is what you all have probably come here for. Last July 6, I couldn't have run 1 mile on a dare for $100. Today, I ran 4.5 and was just actually catching my stride as my loop came to a close. I have also run distances of 10, 11, and 12 miles successively the past three Mondays and have a 14 miler coming up this week and couldn't be more excited.

I am happier and more in control of my life than I ever have been and it's a phenomenal feeling.

Yes I still have the monitor. It takes a sample of my sweat and body temperature every half hour, all day, every day. I get it checked 3 days a week and it costs me $12 a day to wear it but I wouldn't rather spend that $12 any other way(except for LASIK). The only thing the monitor keeps me from doing is swimming, which kind of stinks, but it will make it that much sweeter when I can do so again.

I will leave you with this. Experience is what we get when we make mistakes. I'm not sitting here trying to preach to any of you reading this, but I am saying that I would love for everyone of you to take this story to heart and please learn from my mistakes. You don't want to be caught in a situation like me that is easily avoidable.

If you or someone you know thinks that there may be a problem brewing with alcohol abuse. Let someone know. Hit me up. Go to a meeting. Do something. You're absolutely not alone. There are people able and willing to help, but you have to ask. It's imperative. I wish I had asked, but I'm glad I am able to be here, talking and typing and sharing my experience in the hopes that someone can learn from me.

All I have left to say is, what a difference a year makes. What can you do with your next 365 days?

So, it's been a month

I am now officially a month into my training and let me tell you, this stuff doesn't get any easier. I am learning more about myself on a daily basis and every time I plug miles out underneath my feet. I desperately need to drink more water and get a little more sleep but, all in all, I am still doing fine.

Since my last report, a lot has changed. I have a new apartment. Settled in quite nicely. There is a lot to do over where I am and there is a nice little track of miles I can run that doesn't even put me in risk of being run down by a motorist which is great too. My Dallas Mavericks also did what some might have deemed the impossible and bested the infallible Miami Heat for their first ever NBA Championship. It was a lot of fun to watch and I couldn't be happier for those guys, Mark Cuban and all of my friends who have been fans and supported this thing for so many heartbreaks and let downs. It was a lot of fun to enjoy. I'm still a bit in shock.

Anyway, the running. The running is going alright. I get a little frustrated from time to time about not being able to jog the entire way. I try my best to run most of the time, but sometimes i have to walk. I pull over and stretch a bit, grab a pull of water and get right back to it if I can. My manual is still calling for 4 days of running weekly with the first three being the same distances each of the past 3 weeks.

On Tuesdays I run 3 miles, Thursdays I do 5, and either Friday or Saturday I do 3 again. Where the variation has been recently is on my "long run" days. Over the past 3 weeks, my long runs on Sunday mornings have increased from 7 to 8 to 10 this week. This will also be the first time that I will eclipse 20 miles in a week so I'm pretty scared and pumped about that too.

Every Sunday I do something. Have never done before and it's pretty effing cool. My guide tells me not to worry about timing myself and just get the miles in and that's what I'm doing. I am, however, still am cognizant of how long it takes me and my 8 miler last week took me about an hour and a half. I can say I probably ran all but 2 of those miles and that makes me happy.

It brings me to my latest chapter of my book. It is about hydration which I needed to learn about. The days my runs have seemed to go better are days when I have consumed more liquids the day before and day of. I also need to desperately work on my stretching too. My 32 year old legs just aren't what they used to be, but they are getting used to the beating.

I am looking forward to working on the visualization techniques talked about in my training manual this week and finding a focal point and hydration level that will help help me push through the long stretches. I am a marathoner! I look forward to my runs every day. I have stopped running inside and have started pounding trails and pavement. I am also working on running first thing in the morning before it gets too sweltering. I have also learned how to carry a small water bottle when I run as to not get too out of sorts.

This process is fascinating to me, though. The way the brain can power your legs over obstacles that you would have never deemed possible. The way you can accomplish more just by getting off the couch and trying to do something. The way you feel after accomplishing something you set out to do. It is just great. I am so happy I'm doing this. I am also happy so many of you have chosen to read along and take this journey with me. I really feel like I'm just babbling from time to time, but I'm glad you guys enjoy reading it. I will do a better job of keeping you guys current.

Here are my new running buddies. Have had them about a week and put about 12 miles on them so far. There isn't too much give, but that's the point. They focus on a more mid foot strike point and I enjoy the way I have felt while running in them. I also love running in my Nike Free Runs. They are fantastic.

Also, since tomorrow is the parade, I would be remiss if I didn't put this up.

Alright kids. Have a great night all of you, I'll see you on the trails in the morning. Then Mavs parade and day game at Yankee Stadium. Gonna be a scorcher.

Off to the races... Slowly

So, after 4 weeks of pre training and preparing my body for the beat down I am about to give myself, the day finally came. I officially started my training regimen today with a 3 mile jog.

To say I was nervous about my ability to do this would be a massive understatement. I haven't run 3 miles in probably 20 years. Walk? Yes. Combo walking and running? I've done that too. But to jog for 3 miles straight just seemed impossible to be honest.

Nonetheless, I woke up early after working last night and decided no need to wait so I went over to the gym. Did some light stretching, although I need to get better at that, and hoofed it upstairs to the treadmill area of the world. After staring at the screen for a few minutes and wondering if I could really do this, I picked my program(a 5k run) and started amping the speed up.

I didn't want to push too hard or go too fast at the start and not be able to finish so I settled in at 5.6 mph. The first mile sped by with the help of some good music(I believe I got some Polyphonic Spree and Arcade Fire mixed in) and so I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Mile two, more of the same. A nice little pace, not too much panting but I do need to figure out how to get the water from the bottle into my mouth as I jog. After getting through miles 2-2.5 I decided I wanted to be done. No, I did not quit, I turned the speed up so I could finish strong. 6.2 mph for the last half mile.

For those of you familiar with the conversion between kilometers and miles, yes, I actually did the whole 5k(3.1 miles) and felt pretty good overall.

Areas of improvement: I need to drink water more consistently throughout my days. The runs always seem more buoyant that way, the muscles feel more loose. I also need to pick a little more upbeat music to stock the iPod with. Adele is great, but she will lull you to sleep as you're jogging.

All in all, 3.1 miles, 33:48 was the time. Weight after running 206.5 lbs. Beard growth almost one week.

Tomorrow is exactly 4 months from the race and I will get there and, for once in my life, am in no hurry.

Time and Time Management

So, here we are again, me jabbering away on my keyboard. I need to do this more often to help keep my head clear and that topic right there brings us to our topic for the day: TME MANAGEMENT. Or in my case, lack of time management.

I'm not the only person around who struggles with the lack of good time management skills. I have my on days where productivity and I are BFF and I have days where tomorrow seems like the best time to take care of the stuff that a few phone calls today could have done.

It happens to the best of us, we are only human after all. In the situation I am in right now, with training for a marathon, time management issues truly need to become obsolete. I have to budget myself each day and keep to that set schedule. It's the only way that I'm going to accomplish the goal I have set for myself.

That's a simple enough concept, right? Also, I appreciate those of you who have read my posts and as part of my new time management frontier, I will be writing more, I promise.

But let's get into another issue I have sometimes. It's more of a thought process, actually, as opposed to an issue. Like I said, we all fall prey to poor time management. Every one of us has done something unproductive when we could or should have been doing something that would better our situation. Hell, I laid on my couch the other night and put my feet up on a stack of clean and folded laundry as opposed to walking it 15 feet into the closet. That is just the tip if the iceberg though. There are plenty of other things that get disregarded daily for no reason actually.

One of those things is a daily relationship with God. I am not going to sit here and give a sermon about how everyone should love and honor the Creator, but I will sit here and tell you that I have spent too much time away from Him to know that my time with Him was better than my time when I was doing anything in my power to stay away.

As some of you may be aware of, I am a recovering alcoholic. For years I used alcohol as an escape from whatever it was that I felt I needed an escape from. Tough day at the office: drunk. Long week of school: drunk. Sun came up early today: drunk. Brother dies: drunk(for close to 4 years).

As a recovering addict, I am not blaming any of these situations on why I drank. The bottom line is that I drank because I wanted to and it made me feel temporarily better and accepted at the time being. It became who I was and I lost track of what I should have been doing. I, luckily, still have my health and am regaining it ever so slightly on a daily basis. After almost 15 years of tearing myself down, I am finally trying to build myself back up. That's where this Marathon comes in to play.

I spoke to someone the other day who asked how my training was going and I told her that it's still a little arduous. Still plugging along at 5 on and 5 off, getting about 2.5-3 miles a day knocked out, but a little frustrated as to why I can't run forever just yet, but that's where regaining it slowly needs to stay forefront in my mind. I still did more today than I did a month ago, and when I look back a year, 2 years, 5 years and so on, I am lightyears ahead of that Jeff.

Anyway, she told me she was proud of me and said she is aiming for 2013 to run her first one and I told her that I was proud of her, which I absolutely am. It's great to have goals, I just feel, from personal experience, that I cannot put goals off any farther. For too long I have told myself that tomorrow I will do this or that and I can no longer do that.

Life is too damn short. Don't believe me, ask any number of people I know who have lost their brothers or sisters before the age of 35. It sucks that I'm not the only person in this club because, at least then, I could say I was the exception and not the rule. People are taken from us daily, and what's to say that that person that gets taken tomorrow won't be you or me?

I have changed my focus in life a little. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that I look at when I stare in there hoping for food to appear that says, 'Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as I they are going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all of the care, kindness and understanding as you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.'

Life is about giving, not taking. Smiling in order to make others smile. Doing what you can to make the world a better place. Too many people out there aren't doing this and we wonder why it is that it's such a jungle out there.

Sorry for the little rant, I just get tired sometimes of falling into the trap that I have been placed here specifically to acquire things and not to make my neck of the woods a better, happier, and more productive place. All of that starts, by the way, with simple time management(see what I did there? Wrapping it up with a neat little bow.)

The more time we spend being productive with our time(helping ourselves so we may help others, doing things that need to be done, TCB, etc) the better off we will all be. We will have more time to tell those around us that we love them, or to catch a movie or ballgame guilt free because we know we have accomplished everything set in front of us for that time frame.

One last story, from late last night that got this ball rolling. As Jenna and I walked out of work last night around 3:20ish am, we discussed plans for lunch today. She asked what my day looked like and so I laid it out for her, in a partly joking manner.

Alarm set for 8am
Gym at 8:25am, 35 minutes of training
Leave gym at 9am, drive 10 minutes to Waterloo and have breakfast
Finish breakfast at 9:30, drive 15 minutes downtown to get my monitor monitored
Leave monitor place at 9:50, 5 minute drive to bank
Wait in line at bank and deposit money between 9:55-10am
Home, shower and wait for class to end for her
Eat lunch
Then throw some laundry in and run misc moving errands

Like I said, I jokingly gave drive times and exact times for stuff, but I'll be a monkeys uncle if I wasn't at the gym around 8:30 and deposited my money in the bank at 9:58 this morning. It felt good to be that accomplished early in the day. For the time being, I think I am going to plan my days this way until it becomes second nature. I will let y'all know how it's working out for me.

Speaking of which, I have exceeded my allotted writing time and need to get back to business. Time for lunch.

Have a great day and thanks for reading.

Love you guys.

Here Goes Nothing.

Well, here we go!

It's funny, I have considered loads of things to write here for my first ever blog post: Should it be something poignant? Something funny? Something crass? Something basic? How much information should be included? Where should I start? You know, the usual interior rantings of someone known to think way to much into things.

I have decided to start here and go with the flow.

The Basis and Reason Behind This Blog:
Running. Marathon running at that.

Now we are onto something. As Mom would say in class, find the thesis first, then focus your writing(I am paraphrasing obviously as I have no real recollection of the exact words that she said in my increasing old age, but there was always something about picking a theme first).

Anywho, for those of you out there that know me well, you know I have a tendency to ramble. It's in my nature. You would think I was never allowed to express thought as a child seeing how I constantly have one tangent after another and never seem to know where the off switch is.

So.....Running. I have never been much of a runner. Ever. Not distances at least. Short spurts here and there were always okay but I never had the endurance to go for a long way. I would always get tired and end up walking. Ask the guys on the baseball team from high school. Big Tank and I were always at the back of the pack on our runs through the neighborhoods surrounding GPHS, looking for shortcuts.

The idea of running a whole marathon, all 26.2 miles of it seems absolutely impossible to me right now, and I think that's what makes it also sound like a fun idea.

I'm planning on using this blog as a means to keep everyone up to date on my training as it progresses; to get feedback and support if it's necessary; to let everyone know how the beard is coming in, etc.

But mainly, I just want to write. There will be days I talk about the music I am listening to, or the movies I have seen recently. There will be talk of shoes, and addiction, and recovery and anything that pops in my head really.

I look forward to this journey and hope you all enjoy it through and with me.

So, since this is a blog about me and running, let me tell you where I am right now. I have started my preconditioning for my race which will be held on September 17, 2011 in Dayton, Ohio. I will get into the details on why someplace so far from home in a future post, it's not that great of a story.

Anyway, my technical training starts on May 16 and by that date I need to be able to run 3 consecutive miles which is something I have never done before. So right now I am building up my stamina and body endurance to be able to handle the rigors of running a marathon.

I started a week ago, on April 15, by doing some basic run/walk intervals. Jogging for 5 minutes. Fast paced walk for 5 minutes for a total of 30 minutes. So far, it hasn't been too hard on me, and I can feel my body responding and growing stronger and wanting to go faster and I am really enjoying that part. Like I said, have never been much of a runner nor have I ever really enjoyed the act of running. I have always envied those who could just take a run to clear their heads.

And that's what I am working on. My head has lots of clearing to be done and I have a lot of miles ahead of me to clear it.

Current state, can do my 30 minutes pretty easily, it usually nets me around 2.25-2.75 miles depending on pace. I haven't lost any weight in the week I have been running, still hovering around 205.

These will get better. Stick with me. There will be pictures and raffles and prizes galore.